{"id":63,"date":"2012-01-27T15:15:11","date_gmt":"2012-01-27T23:15:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/freckle.browdy.net\/?p=63"},"modified":"2012-01-27T15:15:59","modified_gmt":"2012-01-27T23:15:59","slug":"crazy-thoughts-from-a-first-time-mother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/isaac.browdy.net\/?p=63","title":{"rendered":"Crazy Thoughts From A First-Time Mother"},"content":{"rendered":"

As some of you may already know, I was having a really tough time sleeping for the past week or so.\u00a0 This time, however, it wasn’t due to me feeling under the weather, but from me feeling nervous and anxious about being a mother.\u00a0 I am actually really surprised that I’m as nervous as I am.\u00a0 I’ve always considered myself to be a nurturer.\u00a0 I’ve been “taking care” of different cousins since I was 16 years old.\u00a0 I’ve even been watching after Ciera, Paige, and Genevieve since they were little babies.\u00a0 I think watching after children and nurturing them comes very naturally to me.<\/p>\n

But recurring thoughts keep coming back to me over and over at night.\u00a0 Will I be a good mother?\u00a0 Will Dan and I be able to provide our child with the kind of lifestyle we want for him or her?\u00a0 Will we have enough money for college, extracurricular activities, and birthday parties?\u00a0 Will I be able to be strict enough to help guide them to be a decent human-being?\u00a0 Will I be lenient enough and respect their space so that they can be who they were meant to be?<\/p>\n

And if all those thoughts were not enough to drive a pregnant woman crazy, there was also a touch of paranoia to add to the mix.\u00a0 Now, I’m fully aware that I’m not even 3-months pregnant yet and things are supposed to be uneventful (except for the nausea and constant visits to the bathroom, of course).\u00a0 But a lot of times, I don’t really feel<\/em> pregnant.\u00a0 I started to worry that there might be something wrong.\u00a0 I started to think to myself, I hope my baby’s okay.\u00a0 Maybe I should’ve waited for the 3-month mark before I started announcing to everyone I was pregnant.\u00a0 Maybe I can call my obstetrician up right now and ask her to just give me 10 minutes of her time to give me an ultrasound and let me hear my baby’s heartbeat.\u00a0 That would give me some peace of mind.<\/p>\n

That last paragraph there, I initially did not want to include in the blog.\u00a0 Who wants to read about something so negative on a baby blog, right?\u00a0 But Dan convinced me that I should and that I’m probably not the first pregnant woman to have these thoughts and feelings.\u00a0 (Please do not feel obligated to comment and legitimize my crazy thoughts)<\/p>\n

But once again, my strong network of family and friends have helped me through this time and I have been feeling much better for the past couple days.\u00a0 My husband wrote a beautiful letter<\/a> to me to help ease my worries and help me sleep at night.\u00a0 My mother has jokingly given me anecdotes to help me fall asleep.\u00a0 And my sweet father, after having heard from my mother that I’ve been getting little sleep at night, called me telling me that I have nothing at all to worry about.\u00a0 He said in his broken English, “Jenny, why do you worry?!\u00a0 You have nothing to worry about!\u00a0 This is MY grandchild, okay?\u00a0 He is just like his grandpa.\u00a0 He’s quiet and doesn’t make any trouble.\u00a0 He’s not like his grandma who is so loud and talks a lot.\u00a0 So don’t worry, okay?\u00a0 He’s quiet, but he’s good.”<\/p>\n

And as weird as that sounds, that made me feel a lot better.\u00a0 I feel truly lucky that while I’m going through this crazy roller-coaster called Pregnancy, that I’ve got so many people holding my hand throughout the entire ride.<\/p>\n

Only five more days until the next doctor appointment.\u00a0 I think all these pep talks will help me not freak out and will hold me over until then.<\/p>\n

-J<\/p>\n